Once upon a time;
In the early 1960's, in the city of Montreal Canada, there was a young Caucasian woman. She was in her early 20's, and at that young age was already a popular country music singer..
After a show one night, one of her band mates suggested they all check out this jazz club that was close by. And so they did..
While there, she met this jazz pianist. I want to say, an "African American" man, because in this age of political correctness, it is considered inappropriate and even racist to refer to a person as a"Black Man", but he was neither African nor American. In truth his back ground was from Barbados, and he was Canadian.
How we choose to refer to him isn't really important.... The important thing, is that they met.
Those of you who believe in "Love at First Sight", will probably understand what transpired that night.
It was a cold winters night, and his hands were cold. The fingers of a pianist need to be limber and loose... One can not be trying to move stiff and cold fingers while preforming an instrument such as a piano.
He was about to go on stage and preform, and he was trying to warm his hands so he could play his instrument, and she.. The woman and fellow musician, helped him, the only way she could think... She cupped his hands in hers, and with her warm breath, warmed his fingers.
I have heard this tale a few times in my life, and I'm pretty sure, that for him, that was his "Love at First Sight" moment.
They became pretty inseparable after that....They became a couple, and then, they became more.
These days, that wouldn't be much of a big deal at all.... But those days were not these days. It was not yet acceptable for a Caucasian woman to be with a man who was not.
To protect both of them, this woman spent every available moment in the sun..... Tanning.. She did not use SPF 50, or 30 or even 10... The suntan lotion she used was Crisco... The vegetable oil/lard used to make pies and other baked goods.... She did it to attract more sun, and passed herself off as a woman of colour.
I heard this story when I was a child, and I asked why? I was young, and knew very little of racism and hate.
With a sad smile, I was told, that it would have been far less safe otherwise.
This story doesn't have a happy, or sad ending.... Because it's real life.. I can't tell you that the relationship lasted forever, because it didn't.
I can tell you, that for a time, they loved each other with all their hearts. And from that love came two children. Me, being the first, and my Brother being the second.
Why it didn't last forever, I do not know, nor have I asked....
Maybe, they grew apart,or maybe the judgments of the world around them became too much to bear... I don't know, and honestly, I don't really think it's any of my business.....
But, I love that story, and there are parts of it, that I carry with me and I have learned from...
Because of that, I know, that true love exist... Maybe not for everybody, but for some..
And I know, that when it happens.... There are no obstacles that can't and won't be over come, and anything less, is "settling".
To that end, while my parents will never likely read this...I want to say;
Thank You Mom and Dad, for your story, for your example, and the lessons that it taught me.
I love you both.
Greetings, Salutations and Happy Freakin' Friday.
Everyday, for the most part, I wake up at the crack of noon, and spend a few mins, pondering life, the universe, and of course chocolate chip cookies. To the observer, that may seem to be a profound time of self discovery at the beginning of my days.... In reality, it's just procrastinating, the inevitable... "Getting up and starting my day.
Today, I remembered someone I dated briefly a few years ago... Not everything, but this one thing she said.. She told me it was her dream in a relationship to be "Chosen"....I found out a couple of weeks later, that what she really meant was she wanted to be "Chosen"... By someone else LOL..
That concept of being chosen stuck with me though...
I was thinking today of the many people on my life.. I have an amazing family, that I did not choose..
I have some friends whom I have chosen and a select few that have chosen me. Just like everyone else in the world, I imagine..
My thought this morning though.... Was; Do the people in my life, feel chosen, or do they feel like they are the defaults in my world.
The former, is an incredible gift we can bestow on anyone around us.... The default, not so much...
My Challenge today, for myself... and I extend it to you, is to make the people in my world know that they are not just a default, but an important and yes, chosen part of my Universe.
I may not have chosen my Mother for example... But I can show her, that even given the choice of the millions of mothers out there, I would have chosen her(And truly, I would have). I can do that with all of my family..
Friends, some have just shown up in my life, others friendship grew over time... But like my family, they make my world a much better and happier place..
So join me today... In showing our loved ones, whether they are spouses, BF/GF's... children, pals, or any one who plays a role in the daily joys of living....
Let's let them know...... That like Pikachew.... We choose them :-)
Peace Kiddies and Happy Friday :-)
As anyone who knows me, knows by now, I gave up animal products a couple of months ago. They all know it, because I can't shut up about it.
I'm not preachy, more like feigned humility; "Oh, I don't care what anyone else eats, this is just a choice I've made for myself". In a way, it's almost worse. It's like pretending to be humble, all the while pointing out why I'm different(I seriously can not believe I turned into one of "Those" people)...
Long story short, I watched the movie "Cowspiracy", and that was it... I was done eating animals.
I am 52 years old, and have spent a life time making quiet fun of all those grain eater/tree hugger types, only to become one of them.
I tell myself, that I won't get all smug about it, like the herbivores, but truth be told, if "smug" came down like rain, there would be some dude somewhere, building an arc and gathering animals 2 by 2. I have no idea, how people can even stand to be in a room with me.
So... Why does it suck? Well for starters a relativity nice person like me, can turn into a self righteous windbag(In more ways than one... Let's just say that Broccoli is not my friend).
Add to that, I'm the only Vegan I know, so I have pretty much alienated myself from friends and family.
I'm never ever going to eat food again, that I didn't cook for myself or order in a vegan friendly restaurant. It goes without saying that "dinner invitations" are now a thing of the past.
Sure, I can still order my coffee at Timmies, but coffee without cream sucks, and yes, Starbucks does offer non dairy "milk", but let's be honest, Starbucks coffee taste like bath water, and is more expensive.
Christmas is coming up and my poor family is all freaked out about what to feed me(My suggestion that I will just make something and bring it along didn't go over).
I have an awesome amazing girlfriend, who is one of the best cooks I know.... Which is utterly wasted on me now, and suppose we got married? How would that even work? Oh, Let's just cook individual meals for ourselves for the rest of our lives(Oh Yay!!).
AND My favourite 3 things to eat in the world, My Gf's Mac and Cheese, Cinnabon's and Krispy Kreme doughnuts and forever lost to me.
I know I will find new favourite foods, but tonight, I'm just a big kid who wants his blanky.
It's funny, I didn't do it for my health, I'd seen "Vegucated" and "Forks over Knives", and knew all about the health benefits... I just didn't care, I was happy in my little life. Sure I was feeling the effects of a life time of personal food abuse, but that was just the price we pay for eating the way most of us do. It was all of the other reasons, the environment, world hunger, animal cruelty, that convinced me to make the switch.
Even though it wasn't a "health based" choice, I have to admit, that I have never felt better in my post 25 year old adult life. I'm losing weight, I don't hurt as much(intense body pain was becoming so familiar that it was "The norm"). I have a lot more energy. It's only been 2 months, but I feel 15 years younger.
Before, I had heart disease and diabetes to look forward to(I have a family history of both), Now.. Who knows? I'm not a doctor, but I feel, like I'm getting healthier by the day.
Would I go back to the carnivore I was? I truly hope not. Even tonight in my state of crabbiness, it's not really the foods I miss, but having such a huge thing in common with everyone around me. It's kinda lonely. Most of my friends are cheering me on, but I miss being "part of the herd", and I'm not really a pretentious blow hard, but I feel like I am. I don't miss bacon, but I miss being part of "The bacon generation".
I am learning how to cook all over again and that's actually a lot of fun. My beautiful vegetarian daughter taught me the basics and I make it a point to learn a new dish a week. Last week it was mushroom gravy on home made fries(Because, life without gravy is just not a life :-) This week, I think it will be loaded baked potato soup.
And then there's always the nice surprises, like learning that Oreo's and Cap't Crunch are vegan friendly.
All in all, the "V" lifestyle is actually, ok, even fun. It's just, I always thought the hard part would be missing the food, but our culture puts such a social emphasis on what we eat and how we eat it, that really, what I miss the most is, just being part of the gang.
How's that for "Food for thought"?
Peace Kiddies
Add:
I wrote this about a month ago. Let me tell you what I have experienced in this past month.
I have had such amazing support from Family and Friends... That Christmas dinner with my family, that I was so freaked about was just a lovely afternoon, my Brother actually made a Quinoa vegetable stove top stuffing so that I could have some. Friends at work keep bringing in things for me to try, like Vegan French Toast, and baked goods without any animal products in them.
I have learned how to makes some delicious meals, that I can not wait to get home to eat. My Girlfriend even found a recipe for a desert in case I am battling a sweet tooth. My Mother discovered TVP, and excitedly bought me some, even my Daughter and Ex Wife made me a Vegan Chile that was simply delicious
And at no time have the health benefits, been more obvious than last night when I had to shovel snow for the first time this year... Last year, I always shoveled in the dead of night, because I was embarrassed at needing a break every 10 mins.... But last night, I went through that snow in under half an hour, and then took the dog for a walk after... And I was feeling AWESOME!!!!!.
When I originally wrote this I was feeling lonely, being the only Vegan I know... A month later, physically I'm feeling Amazing, and emotionally I have felt so much kindness and acceptance from people with no real reason to be that nice to me....
As for lonely, I've never felt so much a part of everyone around me like I do now, and as for missing my favourite foods? I am developing so many new faves. that put my old ones to shame. :-)
So if you are at that point, where you are feeling isolated and wondering why you began this journey..... Just wait Kiddies. It doesn't just get better, It get's AWESOME!!!!
Peace Kiddies, and Thank You :-) {{Hugs all the way around}}
Lately, the news has been full of human cruelty. There are those who would spread fear and hate by harming innocents.. There is a word for people who walk that path, but I won't dignify them with a label, even a bad one.
Like most people, I've been talking to others and reading social media, to get different perspectives. I even read the words of one individual who's solution to it is literally nuking those who believe differently than him.
I've watched people on Facebook "defriend" and block those whom they considered friends, because they have different views of recent events(It's usually one with a kinder view deleting those with harsher ones)
I spoke to a man who's solution was/is loaded firearms in his home, just in case something happens here. This is a nice man, just scared. I asked another person who has family in Paris, if his family was safe and fortunately they are, even though they live blocks from where so much tragedy took place.
He is one of the nicest people I know, but the look in his eyes when he spoke of recent events was fear and hopelessness. He said; "We are powerless, and there's nothing we can do to protect ourselves".
That look in his eyes has stayed with me for days, and got me thinking of what I can do in the face of so much hatred, fear and violence, how do I protect myself and the ones I love?
I guess, I could have loaded weapons in my house, or I could discriminate against those who believe differently than I do(just in case)... I could panic when I get on the bus, and see someone dressed differently than me, or even be rude and disrespectful to them, because they are somehow "different". I Could do all that and more, and just maybe, I would be safer.
I would not however, still be ME! I would be someone else, a darker crueler version of "me", and that may make me safer, but on the other hand, I don't really believe I would be worth saving. I would have in fact, become part of the cruelty in the world that I am so against. Effectively, the damage to Me, to who I really am, would be far worse in my opinion than any one could do by physically harming me.
So instead, I choose a different path, one that values the essence of who I am, more than the physical person that is me.
I Choose to Love, and Hug with my whole heart, so the people in my world can feel it.
I Choose to show the people in my life how important they are.
I Choose to as much as I can, have a few extra loonies in my pocket, so when the man on the street corner asks for change, I have something to give him.
I Choose to buy an extra jar of peanut butter and drop it in the food bank hamper.
I Choose not to live in fear, but instead to live in kindness.
I make these choices and more, because I know something that the dark forces in the world do not. I know that Kindness and Love Always wins... Even if I'm not around to see it, even if it happens in my Children's life time, or my Grandchildren's..
And in the end, whether I live to a ripe old age and pass in my sleep, or that's taken from me in some act of violence, "They" will not have won because my essence, my soul, or whatever you choose to call that force within us, will still be intact, it will still be "Me".
And THAT is a trade off that I can live with.
Peace Kiddies
PS, a kind friend allowed me to use her painting for this entry, you can find more of her work at selfproclaimedmuse.com
I've been thinking about family and what it means to me.
It started today with someone saying that they get to spend Thanksgiving Day with their "work family". It totally changed how I saw going to work, which until that moment was more like;"I have to go to work on Thanksgiving", with my mental focus really being on what I would be missing out on by going to work(Mmmm... Turkey hehe).
Thinking along those terms, I became aware and very grateful, for not just my Family, but my Families.
I have my three children, who are my Family, they are the most important three humans in my world. They are amazing and brilliant(fortunately they get their brains from their Mom :-) and awesome. Each of them have made me proud in their own way, and continue to do so. I even have an ex wife, who, while the whole marriage thing may not have worked, gave me these amazing children and will always be family.
I have this incredible girlfriend who practically makes my heart melt every time she smiles.. We've been dating for about 2 1/2 years, but truth be told, she's been family for around 5, and her awesome daughter, who has no real reason to be nice to me, but there it is, she's family too.
There's my extended family.. My Mom, Step-dad, Brother and Sister, and my 4 way cool nieces and nephews. They see me at my best and my worst, and love me anyways, and I am blessed to have each of them in my life.
I have family that I don't see very much, my Father, his wonderful wife, and a step brother with a wonderful wife and awesome kids of his own, and a couple of step brothers out west that I haven't seen in years and years, and yet, they are family.
And yes, I have a work family too. Tracey and Tabitha, Theresa, Linda, Lilly, and now Paula. To be honest, they are the ones I see more than anyone.. They are the ones that hound me until I see a Doctor when I'm sick, who surprise me with my favourite treats, and show kindness whether I'm having a good day or a rough one. They just do so many things to show they care, that of course they are family.
Today while I was thinking about family, I realized, that while I have my "blood family", which no one could ever replace(we only get one Mom for example, no one on earth can replace that, so treat her right :-), family can also be all those people in our world, who love us, care about us, and sometimes put our needs in front of their own. When you break it down to it's bare bones.. Family is Love.
So for everyone of you who are my family, blood or otherwise, Today, I am most grateful for YOU!!
I may not have a lot of money, but I am indeed a rich man, and you my Family and Friends who are Family are the treasure that makes it so.
Peace Kiddies, and Thank You :-)
Pride week is almost here in London Ontario.. With that will come celebrations in the form of art, music and of course a big parade. Inevitably there will be grumblings about... "Why don't I get a week for "straight pride". To which I usually reply, "Oh because we have struggled so far to win "Straight Equality"?"..
Maybe if it was called something different, people might not question it as much... What if it were called; "Courage to Be LGBT" Week? Because that's really what we are talking about here... Just plain courage.
I remember when I was a kid, hearing of a gay man, who was hung to death in Florida, for no other reason than his sexual orientation.
I decided to ask the keeper of the sum total of knowledge for the human race(AKA: Google)... When the last time someone was killed just for being Gay.... I thought I would have to go back a bit to find someone... Turns out, I only had to search to April of 2015(That's right... THIS SPRING!!!) His name was Ron Lane, His big sin? He approached someone thinking they were gay as well... He was not and Mr. Lane paid for that error with his life.
In 2011, 20% of all violent crimes(U.S. Stat) were hate crimes against LGBT individuals.
Until Yesterday, when I did my research, I really believed that for the most part, the violence was behind us... Not so, Not even a little bit.
Most of us, will never know the fear of having to get on with our day, going to work or play, leaving the safety of our homes, not knowing if today is a day when we will run across someone who is intolerant and violent.(And before I'm corrected, I am aware that people of different races can experience the same bigotry).
That being said... It does take pride to celebrate who you are and courage? Courage like most of us will never need, to come out together in camaraderie and Brother/Sisterhood and CELEBRATE! To Stand together and say collectively.. We Are Not Going Away, and We Will NOT change... We Love who we are!!"
There is so much to celebrate this year, and let's do just that. Let's celebrate, let's sing and dance, let's hug.. and Let's rejoice that things are just a little less scary than they were last year.. Let's Hope that next year will be less scary still.
And to my LGBT Brother and Sisters... Shine On!!!! And have an Awesome(and so richly deserved) week!!!!
Peace Kiddies :-D
I have an opinion. Sure, that might not be "Stop the Presses" news, but it is mine. I formed it with information I have recently seen, mixed with thoughts that I have formed throughout my life time. The way I grew up affects that opinion, the Church I have always gone to is a factor in it, plus 100's of other factors that I'm not even thinking about.
The fact that I have this opinion is really not that interesting at all. What is interesting is how others might judge me because of it. Actually, my "opinions" are the very least of me... and on the 1-10 scale of importance rates somewhere in the -7 range.
The reason that opinion isn't important is because it is not action, it is just a thought, one that I might choose to share or not.
In my day to day life, I work in a nursing home with people with Dementia. I do what I can to make their days better. I have mopped the brow of a sick person, I have held someones hand and sang softly to them, as they passed from this life to the next. I have 3 wonderful children, an Amazing Girlfriend that I love who also has a daughter that I would be honoured if she were one of my own.
I have bought lunches for random homeless people who needed a meal. Given money to charities and volunteered with high risk youth.
If you knew me, you might even like me... However, if my opinion was different from yours, it is quite possible that it would nullify any positive feelings you may have had about me.
It makes me ask myself, why are we so threatened by different thoughts and beliefs? The thing is, opinions change, all the time.
I know this Man, and have for most of my life. His opinions about most of the things I find important, are the exact opposite if mine. He is quite vocal about his opinions... And if I only told you what those were, you might not like him...
However, this same man is one who is always looking for opportunities to help his fellow human(or animal). Last summer when strong winds knocked a tree over blocking my Dad's entrance, This Man, was the first one there... In fact, I think maybe the only one. He spent his day cutting up and removing that tree, so an old man(my Dad) could come and go and he wished.
I can't even count the times I know of where he has gone to help someone in need. Always with the same smile, warm hand shake and a friendliness you can't help but feel.
He is one of the kindest people I know, And our opinions on many things are polar opposites.
We are in this amazing time in history, there are so many wonderful and long over due changes that are finally happening and it's great. However, everyone will not feel that way. There are bound to be many thoughts, and many opinions.
Here's the thing though, Just because someone disagrees with us on different issues doesn't make them a bad person. In fact, who knows how their opinion(or ours) will change in the coming days months or years? But if we react to that opinion with unkindness and venom, if we nullify their "goodness" in our minds because they feel differently than we do. Then, doesn't that make us the bad person?
Just something to think about.
Peace Kiddies
Working in a nursing home, I get to meet all sorts of cool and interesting people.
For the purpose of this entry, I'm going to classify, the folks that live there.
-There's a lot of really nice people, who have pretty much been abandoned there in Long Term Care living.
-There's those with "Special occasion" families.. They come Christmas, Easter and Birthdays.
-And for the very, very select few... They have significant others who are there for them still, every day.
These Men and Women are my Unsung Heroes for today.
There's the Doctor who comes in 3 or 4 times a week to feed his wife who has Dementia. After dinner he takes her out of the dining room, sits holding her hand and talks to her.. Even though she can't reply and likely doesn't understand him.
There's the Man who comes in every day at 3, takes his wife for a stroll in her wheelchair, feeds her dinner then they watch TV together until he goes home around 8ish... She also has dementia and probably has no idea what is going on, but he does it anyways.
Last on this very incomplete list is a woman who used to come in every evening to spend it with her Husband. I worked on that floor for 3 or 4 years, and she was always there every evening, until he passed away.
I'm not criticizing families who don't have that kind of time, or have things in their lives that prevent them from being there as much as they'd like.
I am however, celebrating those few who do what they need to do to be with the person they love.
I was talking to someone once who resented one of my "Unsung Heroes", for doing what they do, because they didn't have anyone like that.
My thoughts and what I told them is this. It's true that most of us will never have anything resembling someone who cares that much about us. But we can still appreciate and admire it when we see it elsewhere, just like a sunset or the scent of spring in the air. I've never owned an ocean, but I can still admire it's beauty.
So to these, and the many other Unsung Heroes who visit their Husbands, Wives, Parents and Grandparents (and in a few cases, Children), and still insist on being part of their lives...
Thank You for your quiet Awesomeness, You are an example to the rest of us. :-)
Peace Kiddies
Heroes come in all shapes and sizes. If I asked the average person who their heroes were, they would likely regale me with names of Athletes, maybe some movie stars...Followed by Solders, Police, Fire and Ambulance and others who keep us safe and free(Yes, I know it should be the other way around).
Today though, I was reminded that there are some Heroes, that just don't get the recognition they deserve.. So this is me, getting the ball rolling. There will be no names, but they will know who they are :-)
My Heroes today are;
The Young Person, who had so much anxiety about finding a job, that they would actually feel ill just dropping off Resume's... But tonight, worked their very first shift, on their very first job. You! Are my Hero.
Another Person, who last year spent so much time in the hospital for an eating disorder, but now has a job, has been accepted at school, and is doing great. You! Are my Hero.
How about the One who, even though, deals with anxiety, and almost constant physical pain, still chooses to focus on others, whether it's feeding the homeless, helping those in times of grief, or advocating for proper resources for mental health. You! Are my Hero.
One More;
The person who has dealt for years with depression and anxiety that Doctors have so far been unsuccessful in treating. Yet, they get up every day and go to work. They They take care of their family. They may now and then give up for a day, but the next day, they get back at it. You! Are my Hero.
The fact is, we all know "Unsung Heroes", but unlike the celebs or the Guys and Gals in uniform, most of them we don't recognize. However, if we think of the ones we are aware of, it gives a bit of a picture of how many are out there.
They are an example of perseverance, of courage, and an unbeatable spirit, And courage, my friends, is courage. Whether it's walking onto the battle field, or walking into a burning building, or taking those first steps out of bed in the morning, when you are so scared and want more than anything to hide under the covers...
They say; "The Answer starts with me"... So I'm going to start to make my Heroes Unsung no longer.. But wouldn't it be cool, if the answer started with you too :-D
Peace Kiddies
Life in Average Joe land has been pretty interesting lately....Like everyone else, it's had it's ups and downs. Today however, was a day off of work and there were plans for Pj's and Netflix with my Awesome daughter... Not quite what happened though. It started with a bank error that required me to trade my warm home and Pj's for my grown up clothes and cold bus ride to the bank. Which truly was almost the perfect ending to a week that had me dropping or breaking everything I touched(a bit of a draw back working in a Nursing Home) and just the day to day stuff that tends to bog us down.
How does the chocolate cake come in? We're getting to that.
After I left the bank, rather stressed but glad everything was resolved, and calling my Daughter, I found myself in my Favourite Cafè, where I spotted the Amazingly decadent chocolate cake pictured above... Now, if you know me... You know, that I don't really eat chocolate cake much... In fact, my lovely girlfriend makes the only one I like, but I was thinking that maybe I'd make an exception for this one.
I waited in line, behind 2 people.. One man, obviously some kind of professional and another gentleman who appeared to be as homeless as they come. Guess what he wanted? Chocolate cake, but when he went to pay, he was short a couple of bucks... The cashier was explaining this to him when I signaled to her to just give it to him, and I'd cover it.
I'm not trying to blow my own horn, People do that kind of thing all the time... However what I do want to say is, I felt Great... Not a small thing, because I walked in there grumbly and stressed. One act of kindness changed all that. Sure it made him happy, but it made me feel amazing.
I started wondering why so many pass up opportunities for kindness... I have heard people say that they are too busy, or too stressed, but I would argue that if a person is too busy, it's probably day to day grind stuff and likely isn't anything that will bring a lot of joy(Except if you're too busy tanning on a beach somewhere, then I guess you're excluded from this :-) Busy and Stressed sucks, I'm sure everyone can agree with that, but what if the cure doesn't come from pills or medicine, what if the cure is simply reaching out and showing kindness to someone who needs it?
I have always known that I felt better when I do nice things, but I have never fully appreciated until today how huge a mood changer it can be....
The selfless thing to say would be... "Be Kind, The World needs more of that".... But really, now I'm saying... "Be Kind, Do Good, sure the world will benefit, but not nearly as much as you will".
But don't take my word for it. You'll never know for sure until you try...
Peace Kiddies :-)
With the passing of Robin Williams yesterday from apparent suicide, people are collectively grieving the loss of such a talented individual who has made most of us laugh and cry either from his comedy or his poignant dramatic acting. Social network sights have exploded with condolences, memories and some beautiful tributes. I'm not going to do that as others have done it far more eloquently that I could.
Instead I'm writing about what can be learned from this.
Mental illness is as real as it gets, and I address this to anyone who deals with depression or anyone who knows someone who does.
Unfortunately, there is still a lot of taboo around any form of mental illness, particularly depression. People use the term; "I'm depressed" for everything from they are ready to end their own life, to... Their favourite team lost the Superbowl. The fact of the matter is, that depression is not a case of the blues, or just having a bad day, it's diagnosed and a genuine condition that can't be cured by some good news or a plate of cookies.
If you suffer from depression, there are things you need to be aware of:
1- We all have that voice in our head that stops us from doing or saying stupid stuff....If we're about to jump out of a plane that voice will tell us that it might be a good idea to put on the parachute first.
However, when we are depressed, that voice is not our friend.. In fact it is a huge LIAR!!!! It will tell us things like.. "We won't be missed", or "Everyone will be better off"... It will try and convince you that there is no hope.. That this is all that will ever be. It will tell us these and many other things, none of which are helpful in the least.....So as hard as it may seem, we need to ignore that voice.
2- Sometimes it's ok to hide, but eventually we need to come out for air. When you do,... TALK TO PEOPLE!!! Tell them where you're at. I'll be honest, some will think you're looking for attention, others may even avoid you and most will be uncomfortable... Guess What? It doesn't matter. You're not telling them for them, you're telling them because you need to NOT keep this a secret.
Choose the people in your life that see you at your best, even when you're not.. This isn't the time to try to bond with people who treat you like crap all the time.
People get uncomfortable, not because they don't care, but because they don't know how to help.
3-WRITE.... Start some journals... Now the natural inclination is to write all the stuff you see as wrong with your life. That isn't really going to help. Part of depression is the need to fixate on the negative... Consider, if it helps, that depression is like a life form, and it will try and make you do all those things that will feed it. So when you write... Don't feed it, write about the positives in your life. Have a gratitude journal and every night before you go to bed, write 5 things about your day that you are grateful for.. Dig deep if you have to... You could say negatively that everyone ignored you while you hid in your room for example.. Or you could be grateful that they let you rest.... FIND THE POSITIVE.. And yes, it may be tough... But then again, so are YOU!{Even if you don't feel that way this very second}
4-If you get to that point, where you can not see a reason to go on.... and you're making a plan to stop that process... RUN, don't walk, to the hospital and get professional help.
Sometimes when I hear people say that no one would miss them(Which is utter BS that the voice inside is feeding them).. I tell them a story of a Man I met when I worked at a homeless shelter... Just because a person is homeless, it doesn't make them any less valuable than any one else.... But sadly in many ways it does make them invisible. The man in my story is one of these invisible people. He would come in at night when I worked the night shift. I'd give him a drink and a sandwich and we'd talk. Actually he did most of the talking and I sat there glued to every word. He spoke with the flair of a Shakespearean Actor and was very well educated. I don't know what events in his life led him to where he was, he never spoke of it, but I enjoyed our visits.
One winters night, I came into work and learned that they had found him in the snow behind an old building that morning. He died alone, outside in the cold and the world just went on... I remember reading the paper the next day, and there was no report on his death, I watched the news and the same.. Nothing... But when the afternoon staff left and there was just us night crew there, I excused myself, found a dark quiet room, and cried like I'd lost a family member. There were 3 of us working that night and as the night wore on someone else would slip away and come back after with the same tell tale runny nose and red eyes.. We all commented on how bad allergies were this year(to explain the red eyes)....
He was invisable to the world, but his loss did not go unnoticed, and we were not better off.
Look around you, see the people in your life and do not listen to the voice that says they don't or won't care.... Because they do and they need you to be there.
I know what I know, because I have walked that road, I have been there and I can honestly say that if it wasn't for the people in my life then that cared about me, i would not be writing this today.
I believed all that the voice told me and I hated myself. I believed my children would be better off.... I believed there was no hope... I believed that I was a failure and had no right to be here. And yet, here I am.. Sure I have bad days like every one else, but I like myself... No, I Love myself. More than that, I have joy in my life....
So Please, don't listen to the "voice".... But just for now, listen to me... Yes, I have been there and I can promise you that it does get better, that there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel.
And finally.... The Suicide Prevention Hotline for London Ontario is (519)933-2023 or Toll Free at 1-866-933-2023
Sometimes the gift that is more valuable to our loved ones, but they may never understand enough to even appreciate, More valuable then all the Christmas or Birthday presents we have ever given ... Is to just go on, one more day. They are worth it, and so are you.
Peace Kiddies
It's true, no one is perfect... Which becomes obvious when you're looking for the remote and "No One" was the last one with it :-P
Really though, as much as we may try, there's always room for improvement.
Heck, I try to live a life based on kindness and being good to people, but I have grumpy days when I don't feel up to dealing with Joe Public. I like being nice, but once in a while I'm wearing my grumpy pants and being nice is the last thing on my mind.
I believe all sorts of good and wonderful things, but sometimes{*Cough, Usually} I may not live up to all those ideals.
Occasionally I can beat my self up a bit with questions like, "Why aren't I better?" or "Why am I not doing more?" Especially if I compare myself to friends and acquaintances who are literally changing the world around them.
The idea of only comparing ourselves to the person we were yesterday is a good one, except for those difficult days when we most likely feel like the person we were yesterday was actually better than the one we are today.
Those are the days when kindness is most important. I don't mean "helping seniors cross the street" kindness either(but if you have the chance, go for it :-) I mean kindness to ourselves. Because there is one thing that we know, that few others do, and that is what is in our hearts.
Everyone has bad days... Everyone flunks an exam, everyone gets crabby and, everyone yells at their kids now and then. What is it then that sets us apart from others who regularly give into their anger, or thrive in being cruel and unkind? What separates us from them, is what is in our hearts... The very fact that someone is trying to show kindness in their everyday lives.... Or that someone has the desire to be patient with their children. Even the desire to be a good friend, puts them miles in front of another who doesn't care.
The challenge then on the "Bad" days, is to look deep inside and see who we really are, and just as importantly, who we really want to be... And then, Cut ourselves some slack!!!!!
It's amazing what we will accept in someone we care about, we give them the benefit of a doubt. We say things like.."They are just having a bad day". We acknowledge that they might be stressed because of other circumstances and then we forgive them.
While that is a wonderful trait, it's just as important to show ourselves the same compassion... And, surround ourselves with people who will do it for us, when we can't.
Life is a journey, not a race.....There's no prize for finishing, we collect our prizes along the way. I think the gift that too few of us collect is the gift of Self Love..... And that might be the biggest one of all.
So if no one has told you today..... YOU are worth kindness. You are worth compassion, and YOU are worth another chance to try again tomorrow. When that voice in your head says otherwise, brush it away, because YOU are better than that.
Peace Kiddies :-)
It turns out though, I'm just annoying :-P
How, You ask, could someone like me....Who is obviously bubbling over with Awesome, be annoying?
Well, Here's the thing. I would rather ask another human being a question than "Google" it.
Oh sure, I like to Google SOME questions.. Some things are a tad personal like that time I noticed a.... Well never mind.. Some things are indeed best to look up on our own... But normal stuff? Naw, I'm going to look for someone who knows more than me.
Computers and Internet are Awesome, I can't even imagine my world without them any more. One of the coolest things about them is how they connect us... We can have regular contact with people we haven't seen in decades..
Questions, however, used to be something that brought us together.. We all know different things and once upon a time, those who knew the most things, were considered wise and even used as resources. Now, if anyone wants to know anything... We just have to hit the Net, and while having the entirety of the worlds knowledge at our finger tips is convenient.. It takes away from the Human element of connecting with others to gain information.
Up until recently, The Old taught the Young the things that they deemed important. Now the Old for the most part have to keep that knowledge to themselves... Because we have a new generation of People, who can look anything up in fractions of a second.
I'm not saying it's all bad, but I am saying that while we gain, we also lose.
Have you ever wrestled with a question? Something simple like "Where have I seen the actor in that movie?"... You think about it, your brain goes into overdrive, and still, you don't figure it out. Then something else comes up and you move on, but your brain, even while you are not thinking about it, is still working on the question. Then maybe 2 days later, you are driving to work and BOOM!!!!!! It Pops in your head and you go "AH HA!!!!!". THAT feeling, that euphoria we feel is amazing and only comes from working it out, even if that includes asking other people... It does not ever happen, by having the answer handed to you in 0.00001 seconds after you type the question.
Before the art of seeking knowledge though our fellow person became irritating, it was a way that we could share and feel better about ourselves. We could pass on knowledge(not to be confused with advice), to those who sought it. We felt better about ourselves and bonds grew between us and the one who asked the question.
While that isn't gone entirely, it is fading. In another 100 years when we are all wearing our Google Glasses, or whatever technology brings us that way... the Art of Question asking will be gone, a thing of the past, but I for one, am not ready to let it go just yet.
So if I see you and ask you what you know about baking bread, or gardening, or even where the nearest Taco Bell is.. There will be no harsh feelings if you tell me to Google it, but those who take the time out of their busy day to answer the question will have both, my admiration, and gratitude.
After all, What good is all the time that we are(supposedly) saving from having computers do a lot of the hard stuff for us, if we don't use at least some of it to connect with the people around us.
Just something to think about
Peace Kiddies :o)
In a couple of days, I will be, with some Awesome friends, starting the 100 Days of Happiness challenge(Link at the end).. Basically it's about being aware of what brings you joy and finding something every day that does.. then taking a picture of it and sharing it.
I haven't even started, but already I am becoming more aware of the things in life that make me smile on a day to day basis.. the trouble is, a lot of this stuff, you can't really take pictures of.
For example... Today, it was a beautiful day.. I opted to walk and bus as opposed to driving. I was standing in the sunshine, waiting for the bus, rocking to some great music and feeling fantastic..It was great, just not something I could really take a picture of.
I did get a really cool Jann Arden pin, from a kind friend.. That will be a picture(My MP3 player has Mucho Jann Arden :-)
Later while waiting in line at a variety store, the kid in front of me(17ish) was trying to buy a $2.00 Slurpee, but was having trouble with his bank card. After his 3rd try I was about to step in and say that I'd cover it, when the woman behind the counter, said in a very thick accent.. "Don't worry about it, you're in here all the time, just pay me the next time you're in."... The kid didn't understand, because I think he was in such shock over her act of kindness(Many store owners aren't exactly teenager friendly). She repeated herself and he smiled, thanked her, took his drink and was on his way. I told her she totally made my day by her kindness, because she truly had.
Again, not something I could really take a picture of(It's just creepy for some random guy to ask to take your picture, I'm sure LOL).
So what makes me happy that I could take a photo of? Let's see; First would have to be my 3 amazing children, each so different from each other, and each with their own brand of Awesome that makes me proud to be their Father every day.
I have the most Amazing Girlfriend who is brilliant and beautiful, who has the kindest heart of anyone I have ever met, and even when were apart, the fact that she's there brings me smiles every day.
I have a wonderfully kind and supportive family, My Mom, Brother and Sister.
I have a very cool job, and work with people who are more than co workers, they are my friends.
I have a Zoo of furry animals(one with feathers), that greet me at the door every day, and curl up with me to watch horribly cheesy movies(and a generous amount of Dr. Who :-) every evening. They make me happy(You know... Most of the time LOL).
I have so much to be grateful for, and so much in my life that makes me happy.... I'm looking forward to discovering, perhaps those happy things that I'm not so aware of, or those I've been taking for granted...
I'll keep you posted.. :o)
Peace Kiddies
http://100happydays.com/ <<<<<<< Link :-)
As far back as I can remember, I've always had a "Place", a magical spot that was quiet and serene. It was somewhere where I could go to sit and think, to stare and ponder life's mysteries.. And above all, find that centered feeling that we can sometimes lose in the day to day.
I have never sought out these places, more like I've stumbled upon them, and then almost unconsciously, found myself there when the need arose.
I remember in my mid teens, when we lived in a small town near Ottawa, there was a marshy area behind the farm house we lived in.. In the summer most of the water dried up leaving a pond where the beavers lived.. I had an old tree that fell across the pond that I would sit on. Sometimes I'd bring lunch, and just "Be" for hours. No cell phones back then, it was too far away to hear a parents call, for all intents and purposes, I was just alone with my thoughts and some passing by beavers.
In the city I live in now, there is a big park, that's been my "Place" for years... I've made most of my big decisions there...I got the ideas for some of my personal favourite writing while watching the passing river, and listening to the ducks. I have heard people say that folks talk to God, but never sit still long enough for him to talk back, my park is a place where I actually do sit and listen. Sometimes I hear nothing, and sometimes I get a thought or idea that never occurred to me before.
When I was younger, many of my thoughts were how to please others and gain their acceptance(That failed miserably LOL). Now my thoughts are more like.. How do I show the people that I love how important they are to me.
I'm thinking of this tonight I think, because like many people, I love my technology... I love my smart phone, my computer.. I do the Facebook/Twitter thing, and a lot of it is in the interest of "Being Connected" to friends, family, the people I care about.... But when I picture sitting on my bench, in my park... watching the clouds, the river, and passing roller bladers, I realize that sometimes the best way to connect with myself, is to shut all that off now and then.... And then(Stay with me now :-) I realized that if I truly want to connect with those that I care about, maybe that has the same answer. A text is wonderful, but getting together for a tea is a thousand times better.... A Happy Birthday on someones "wall" brings smiles... But lets face it.. a phone call or better yet, a quick "Just wanted to drop off this birthday cupcake"... Means I care enough to make time for you.
Here in the great white north, it seems this winter will never end. Even so, soon it will be Spring, and the smell of flowers and grass will fill the air. I will be able to sit on my bench and hopefully reconnect with myself. In the meantime though, I think I'll carry a little of my park with me, and be more fully in this moment. The best way(I believe) to show the people in our lives how much we value them is by giving them our time and being present when we do... I'm choosing to do more of that.
And just as a side note, when I was younger and wished to do the things that would get me accepted by the people around me... It ended poorly most of the time. It never turned around for me until I learned who I was and decided to be just that.
Something to think about.
Peace Kiddies :-)
PS: Photo taken from: http://www.thedistrictphotographer.com/ Check out their work :-)
Some of you may know that I work in a nursing home. It's an amazing job and I get to meet some wonderful people. I've had some tell me that they couldn't do what I do, but really I get to do all sorts of things that most folks aren't able to at their chosen career. I get to sing and dance at work, I get to try to be my version of funny, I get to laugh a lot and I am fortunate enough to work with some excellent people who do the same and make the passage of time in a nursing home much more fun, warm and kind.
There is of course some sadness that comes with the job. We are also there in those final moments as this journey ends, and that is often difficult with a person that you have grown to care about.
I don't know why, but when I woke up today, I was thinking of one particular gentleman, who passed a few years ago, and some of his final words to me.
He told me, "Don't be afraid to be happy, or to laugh, that really good laugh that comes from the bottom of your belly.
Make sure you travel and see as much of the world as you can(he spent some time here telling me of many of the exotic places he and his wife journeyed to). Try weird foods, even the ones that you think are disgusting... Some of it will be surprisingly good, and the horrible ones you will laugh about for years.
And never be afraid to love, even if they don't love you back."
Even in his condition, his eyes were shining as he was sharing his wisdom. And while he never actually said;"Cherish the one your with" in words... I'm throwing it in there, because he said it with his expression and the tone of his voice when he spoke of his wife who had passed a few years before.
So my words today aren't my words at all, but the wisdom of one who is no longer with us, but who's message bears repeating.
Peace Kiddies... And don't forget to laugh :-)
Just a short thought today, but I saw this quote on Facebook and as I was about to share it, it occurred to me how many things we don't do or say out of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of looking stupid and fear of what's around the next corner.
I'm pretty sure that the human race is the only species that undergoes a tremendous amount of personal pain just to avoid the possibility of different pain. Even if the rewards are potentially amazing.
I was imagining if other creatures reacted to idea that they "MAY" experience pain as we do. The Rabbit for example, is pretty low on the food chain. Every time it leaves it's home it could be attacked by land or air. If that was most of us(me included), we'd never leave our little rabbit hole, and yet it goes out every day, searches for food and for the most part frolics like it owns the woods.
It's not always easy. Sometimes being honest means using the dreaded "L" word, and sometimes it means parting ways and walking your own path..... The only thing that seems to be clear is that whatever the consequence for our "Boldness", in many cases, they are worse if we are silent...
So my challenge to all of us, is to be "Kindly Bold" (That's Bold, without the meanness :-) in all of our relationships. Whether it is with our significant others, or telling a friend how grateful we are to have them, or even telling our children how proud we are of them.
To the People in our lives, lets be Bold, and Lets be Open.... and then, let's see what happens. Because there has to be more to life than hiding down the rabbit hole.
Peace Kiddies :-)
You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage.
Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I
promise you, something great will come of it. - Benjamin Mee
Hi,
I'm Your Average Joe, and I'm a Geek. Most people who know me know that about me. Maybe not "Geek", in the cool Sheldon Cooper kinda way, more like Gamer Dude, Cartoon watching, SciFi Nut, sort of way. I LOVE all those Super Hero movies. Heck, I even liked Ben Affleck in "Daredevil" (There's something you don't hear a lot).... What a lot of people may not know though is that when I was a kid, the Super Hero I most wanted to be was Iron Man.
Just the thought of an indestructible battle suit of armor that I could fly around and get the bad guys in was enough to send me day dreaming through the most thrilling of Math classes.
I don't think that little confession is really note worthy. It's not unusual for a kid to dream of being a Super Hero..... However, what if I told you that I still dream of it, and that I spent all my time and money in my basement building my very own flying suit of iron and doing everything in my power to pattern myself after Tony Stark(The Guy who is Iron Man, for you non geeks :-P ).
I'm pretty sure I would be thought of as Crazy and if I persisted, my Friends and Family might even send me to the Doctor for some "Special Medication". Because, among other things, I would be patterning my life from something that wasn't even real.... Spending all my time and resources to be like a pretend person.... I may as well say that I wanted to grow up to be the Big Bad Wolf.
What is interesting about that is how clear it is, when I say it.... and it should be, but the fact of the matter is.... People do that all the time and for the most part, it's accepted. They just choose different make believe heroes.
Many times the heroes we follow are celebrities, and while they are real, their photos aren't. Artistic genius's work magic to make people appear flawless and there are so many that diet, exercise and even surgically modify themselves to obtain the look of an Artist rendition of a person, but that rendering is no more real than Iron Man. There's a reason why when we see a celebrity we always ask the question.. "Is that really{insert name here}?"... It's because they don't look like the photo, they just look like the rest of us with all of our flaws.
It's self defeating enough to compare ourselves with anyone, but positively devastating when we compare ourselves to some else's imagination.
Maybe the solution isn't changing Hollywood, or Cosmo, but teaching ourselves that we are beautiful just as we are. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with loosing weight, or exercising to be healthy, but I think we need to learn to "love the skin we're in"(That comes from some ad that I can't remember)... because if we don't love ourselves at 250 pounds, we won't love ourselves any more at 150.
And perhaps(Stay with me now :-) we can then be positive role models in loving ourselves to others.... Sometimes amazing changes happen as soon as one person is brave enough to make the first move.
What else? Funny you should ask. To love ourselves we have to feel good about who we are, and I can't think of a better way to do that than acts of Kindness. Imagine that, simply by being nice to each other we can grow to love ourselves, and all of our flaws, and be that example to the people we love the most.
I really believe that if we could all see how truly unique and amazing we are, we would never waste another second trying to be someone else.
Something to think about
Peace Kiddies
