Why the heck are you asking Me?

I read something funny on Twitter today, and I stole it.. The tweet went something like “Someone asked me a question about relationships. That’s kind of like asking the Pope to name all the members of Korn”.

It was funny because about 2 hours later I received an e-mail from a buddy of mine that I haven’t seen in a while asking ME relationship advice.. Me, Mr. Divorced, no relationship Dude.. So I threw that line at him and he now thinks I’m way funnier than I am(Yeah Me).

He was wondering if the woman he is seeing is “The” woman…

After cracking the joke, this is what I told him..

Besides all that stuff we hear about having things in common and chemistry(which is certainly good stuff to consider), I think that maybe it comes down to a  few things:

1) Does the person give you something that no one else does or can? Even in a relationship, we meet all sorts of people, and can even be attracted to some of them.. But does your potential significant other give you something unique that only comes from them? The way they laugh, the way they make you feel, the way they know and accept you? Whatever that magic ingredient is that makes them special.. If so Great, if not, maybe you’re not done looking.

2)Do you feel better, more complete even, when you are together.. No, you don’t want to be glued together, but you should always look forward to feeling the way you do when you are .. If you do? Great, if not… well, maybe they are not the one.

3)Can you be with them and still be “You”.. That is just so important.

If you can, how awesome is that.. If not.. well you know.

And Finally..

4)If you look at yourself through their eyes.. Do you see the best of yourself? 

Really I should have just forwarded his question to any number of happy couples that I know... But deep down inside, I'm a hopeless Romantic, and for all I know, the Pope may be a huge Korn fan(You never know :o)

Peace Kiddies

The day that I chose NOT to be nice

I know that I talk about embracing each moment a lot, even the bad ones... And I really believe that.. Some days it's easier to do than others though. I share this day with you, to show that for all my good intentions. Sometimes I don't follow my own advice.

Today started out horribly. No particular reason, it's just how I woke up. Normally I wake up, pretty happy for a new day. Today was not such a day. I woke up grouchy and lonely and that kind of made me angry. Now normally I would try and count my blessings, be grateful for the amazing life that I actually have. Today I wanted no part of that. All I saw was the negative, I saw myself in the worse possible light.. 
Some people kindly refer to me as a "Nice guy", and that normally is a compliment for which I am grateful.. But today it actually stung in my mind.. I didn't want to be a nice guy.. Nice guys don't drive cool cars, or take vacations in Cuba every winter.. Nice guys don't get the girl...  And in my foul, sour mood.. I was determined that Today.. I would NOT be a "Nice guy"... Not today, I would be anything but that. This is what happened:

Shortly after getting up and making that monumental decision, I heard from my Step Dad, who is about 1000 years old.. He needed help moving something.. Well not being nice and being a total jerk are 2 different things. Of course I helped him out. My Mom called next, I may have been in a foul mood, but she is the only Mom I have.. so we chatted about a couple of things and she went about her day... Ok. Now I could stop being nice. I was about to take a shower for work, when the neighbour knocked on the door and needed a hand moving a washer...We got that moved smoothly between the 2 of us.
Showered and having left for work..I could finally start to leave the niceness behind me. The Universe seemed to be conspiring against me because as I was driving I saw this Elderly woman, she had been pulling one of those two wheel carts that they use to carry her groceries.. and it had somehow fallen over...Perfect opportunity to ignore her.. yeah right. I pulled over and helped her load up and get back on her way.. and as she was about to leave she gave me a big smile and thanked me for being "Such a nice man"...
I arrived at work and the residents in the nursing home have no idea that I am having a bad day.. and they don't need to. So I did my job as I always do. I did care, I sang, I told jokes.. I tried to make their day brighter.

While I was doing that I received some texts from a very cool friend sending me reasons to smile(how cool is that)..

On my way home my Sister, who is also my best friend in the world sent me a text as she'd had a rough day needed to vent. She would cut her arm off for me if she thought I could use it.. I wasn't about to say no. We had a nice chat.
That was pretty much my day... The day that I chose not to be nice.

I don't write this to show what a great guy I am.. That's not the point.

I'm writing this because I am so grateful for my amazing friends who somehow know when I need a smile.. and I am grateful for those opportunities we get each day to be nice to each other.

If I had followed through on my plan this morning, I can only imagine how I would feel about myself tonight.

True, I may never visit Cuba, I may never have a really cool car.. and who knows, I may never get the girl. I dare say though that what I do end up with is much more important than any of that.. I get to like.. No love who I see in the mirror...and that is good enough for me..


Peace Kiddies 

PS.. Next day add... I know perfectly wonderfully nice people have cool cars and take awesome vacations.. I just woke up with the "Grumpies" :o)

Lessons I Learned Later in Life

I was thinking recently on how life continually tries to teach us. Sometimes we learn and sometimes the lessons pass us by. It did make me reflect though on lessons that I have learned in the past few years.. Now I am no Yoda, or fount of wisdom. Anything that I say here could easily be tossed in the category of "What the heck does he know?", but it interested me so I thought that I would share it with you.

Lesson 1- Be Happy

Sure it sounds simple, but life is way too short to be wasting it away being miserable. Do whatever it takes. Find your passion, love the one your with.. if you're alone and like it, embrace it. If you have a secret love... LET THEM KNOW. I mean really 80% of the time, they will smile politely and tell you they wish to just be friends(trust me LOL). But at least you'll never wonder, or regret not saying something. I've said it before but embrace each moment(even the yucky ones) because they are a gift. Spend as little time doing crap you don't like and as much time doing the things you love... Go to bed each night with a well earned smile.


Lesson Number 2- Be Nice to Each Other


Kindness is infectious. When we do something nice for someone , they feel Great, and we feel Wonderful. If we all spent our time sharing kindness and joy... What a world we would live in. People can be cruel, even to us.. But we don't have to be. With our partners, our children, our friends.. Even just a kind word can change a whole day. With a stranger, sometimes even more so. I've never gone to bed at night regretting a kindness that I have shown, even to one who may not have seemed like they deserved it.. I have however regretted a missed opportunity. 


Lesson Number 3- Live and Let Live


We are all different... We believe different things, we have different traditions, we have different orientations... We all have our own unique set of gifts that we bring to the world around us... Imagine a world where we all embrace each other for our likes AND differences instead of feeling threatened by theirs and defensive of ours... That is the world that I want to live in...That is the world that I want my children to grow up in.


Lesson Number 4- Be Grateful 
 

Not enough can be said about gratitude. It's so easy to take everything and everyone for granted. It's the difference though between never having enough and being overwhelmed by the abundance of life. Having constant gratitude in our hearts for what we have and the people around us, and expressing that gratitude makes others feel exactly how they should feel when they are around us, and it helps us to see that the glass is not half full or half empty... But overflowing.


Now I don't mean to be preachy, or even suggest that my truths should be yours, but I am very grateful for my life's lessons, and because of that I share them with you.


Peace Kiddies

Question

The question that I posed on a warm summers evening as I was waiting for the latest round of insomnia to fade away was this:  I wonder if we ended up with what we valued most, would it change what we valued?

I have my own reasons why that question was on my mind.. and I posed it to my friends on Facebook and Twitter.
A few kind souls called me "Deep", not a word usually used to describe me, but appreciated none the less.. 
The question I received from more than a few people was; "What the heck are you talking about???", and so Dear Readers... Allow me to explain my question.

Most of us, when asked what it is we value, come up with similar answers... We value our families, our spouses/partners.. We value our belief system, our children.
In many cases we pay lip service to the things that we value... and then we go about the business of "Living". 

We Value our families, yet we spend an excessive amount of time at work... We get home, and then require "Me" time...We watch TV, we spend time online, we play our X-Boxes.... can't forget the golf game on Saturday. We will simply fall apart if we don't hit the gym at least 4 times a week. We must watch the Hockey game on the weekend, and Football on Monday. Not to mention the possibility that the world might shatter of we don't vacuum or do the dishes this second.

It can be astounding when we consider the things that take us away from the things that we "Value the most". The truth is though, even if we can't admit it to ourselves...is that we spend time doing the things that we value. Plain and simple. We also have to live the consequences of those choices.

In many cases, couples don't just grow apart and "fall out of love" automatically, it happens because instead of valuing each other, respecting each others goals and working together... We value other things or other people more, then one day we discover that we don't know this person we live with. Children grow estranged from us... Sometimes that just happens, but sometimes, we simply had more important things to do and then it was to late.

Every day has it's own opportunities , and the choices we make each day accumulate, and in the end... What we are left with is the result of years of all those decisions.

My thought with my question was basically, knowing that, what different choices can I make today that will leave me with the things I truly value tomorrow?

All in all, I didn't mean to be "Deep", it's just where my mind has been taking me. 
May those important to me know how greatly they are valued, by the choices I make today.

Peace Kiddies  

Poem

One of my favourite poems.

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings, By Dr. Maya Angelou

The free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wings
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with fearful trill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and is tune his heard
on the distant hill for the caged bird
sings of freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

Whether it's a friend, a child or a loved one, it's never easy to "open the cage", but a funny thing happens when birds are set free. After soaring high, and dancing with the clouds, Sometimes..... They come home.

Peace Kiddies  

Another Very Cool Poem

It's been a while since I've written anything here.. However even though at present I may lack my own words, I thought that I would share those of someone else. A friend recently shared this poem with me, and in turn, I share it with you....

Wild Geese, By; Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good. 
You do not have to walk on your knees 
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. 
You only have to let the soft animal of your body 
love what it loves. 
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. 
Meanwhile the world goes on. 
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain 
are moving across the landscapes, 
over the prairies and the deep trees, 
the mountains and the rivers. 
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, 
are heading home again. 
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, 
the world offers itself to your imagination, 
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place 
in the family of things.


There is always Hope....


Peace Kiddies  

Sometimes, they just don't laugh :-D

In my normal day to day, I try and keep it light hearted. Some people even say that I am funny,and it always makes me smile when they do. I'm not sure how funny I actually am, but I do know this. In an effort to try and keep it light and airy, occasionally I say something, that no matter how hilarious  it may have sounded in my head... Just doesn't get nearly the response I was hoping for. So for today, I thought that I would share my latest 3 joke fails.

The first one, I still think is funny.. In fact it is a variation of a quote that was made by Joan Rivers(She was/is funny right?). It goes like this...When  people are talking about their relationships  you say "Man it's been such a long time, I've forgotten who's supposed to wear the handcuffs"... BooYa. I tried it not once,Not twice but thrice  in different crowds(once on Facebook)... and Nothing, Nada... I'm like "Come on guys, this is my "A" material", but alas.. I guess it's just not that funny... so that one gets retired.

The second one.. also was in my  head very funny. As most know, I work with Seniors... What people may not know is some of those ladies can get pretty flirty.. It's rather cute. So inevitably they will ask me if I'm married, and sometimes my response can be "No, but I'm always on the look out for my next ex-wife" (Funny right?). The last time I said this.. The woman stopped laughing and said very seriously " Oh no my Dear, you are much too young for me, and I am far to complicated a woman for you"... I was SPEECHLESS  (One of the rare times)....Here I was Pwned(gamer talk sorry) by a 94 year old woman... So that one gets retired as well.

Third, and yes, this is best(or worst) for last..... It goes under the category of "Learn From My Fail".
When you are a Male, working with a 98% Female population..... Never, EVER... say when talking about dating: "I'm so out of practice with dating, the last time I was out with a woman, I put the roofie in my own drink"... In your head, it may be funny as heck, and people may just laugh hysterically at your statement...but the REALITY is... that everyone will just stop talking and stare at you... In fact even people that were not in the room, will peek their heads in and stare at you, and you will apologize profusely at your own stupidity... Only to be forgiven because "You're just a man after all, what do you know".

I share these foibles with you because if you can't laugh at yourself, then really what's the point. Also to say thank you to my amazing  Friends, who choose to remain my friends  even when the room goes silent.... You guys are the best, and you make my world brighter every day ..

 Peace Kiddies