I have an opinion. Sure, that might not be "Stop the Presses" news, but it is mine. I formed it with information I have recently seen, mixed with thoughts that I have formed throughout my life time. The way I grew up affects that opinion, the Church I have always gone to is a factor in it, plus 100's of other factors that I'm not even thinking about.
The fact that I have this opinion is really not that interesting at all. What is interesting is how others might judge me because of it. Actually, my "opinions" are the very least of me... and on the 1-10 scale of importance rates somewhere in the -7 range.
The reason that opinion isn't important is because it is not action, it is just a thought, one that I might choose to share or not.
In my day to day life, I work in a nursing home with people with Dementia. I do what I can to make their days better. I have mopped the brow of a sick person, I have held someones hand and sang softly to them, as they passed from this life to the next. I have 3 wonderful children, an Amazing Girlfriend that I love who also has a daughter that I would be honoured if she were one of my own.
I have bought lunches for random homeless people who needed a meal. Given money to charities and volunteered with high risk youth.
If you knew me, you might even like me... However, if my opinion was different from yours, it is quite possible that it would nullify any positive feelings you may have had about me.
It makes me ask myself, why are we so threatened by different thoughts and beliefs? The thing is, opinions change, all the time.
I know this Man, and have for most of my life. His opinions about most of the things I find important, are the exact opposite if mine. He is quite vocal about his opinions... And if I only told you what those were, you might not like him...
However, this same man is one who is always looking for opportunities to help his fellow human(or animal). Last summer when strong winds knocked a tree over blocking my Dad's entrance, This Man, was the first one there... In fact, I think maybe the only one. He spent his day cutting up and removing that tree, so an old man(my Dad) could come and go and he wished.
I can't even count the times I know of where he has gone to help someone in need. Always with the same smile, warm hand shake and a friendliness you can't help but feel.
He is one of the kindest people I know, And our opinions on many things are polar opposites.
We are in this amazing time in history, there are so many wonderful and long over due changes that are finally happening and it's great. However, everyone will not feel that way. There are bound to be many thoughts, and many opinions.
Here's the thing though, Just because someone disagrees with us on different issues doesn't make them a bad person. In fact, who knows how their opinion(or ours) will change in the coming days months or years? But if we react to that opinion with unkindness and venom, if we nullify their "goodness" in our minds because they feel differently than we do. Then, doesn't that make us the bad person?
Just something to think about.
Peace Kiddies
Working in a nursing home, I get to meet all sorts of cool and interesting people.
For the purpose of this entry, I'm going to classify, the folks that live there.
-There's a lot of really nice people, who have pretty much been abandoned there in Long Term Care living.
-There's those with "Special occasion" families.. They come Christmas, Easter and Birthdays.
-And for the very, very select few... They have significant others who are there for them still, every day.
These Men and Women are my Unsung Heroes for today.
There's the Doctor who comes in 3 or 4 times a week to feed his wife who has Dementia. After dinner he takes her out of the dining room, sits holding her hand and talks to her.. Even though she can't reply and likely doesn't understand him.
There's the Man who comes in every day at 3, takes his wife for a stroll in her wheelchair, feeds her dinner then they watch TV together until he goes home around 8ish... She also has dementia and probably has no idea what is going on, but he does it anyways.
Last on this very incomplete list is a woman who used to come in every evening to spend it with her Husband. I worked on that floor for 3 or 4 years, and she was always there every evening, until he passed away.
I'm not criticizing families who don't have that kind of time, or have things in their lives that prevent them from being there as much as they'd like.
I am however, celebrating those few who do what they need to do to be with the person they love.
I was talking to someone once who resented one of my "Unsung Heroes", for doing what they do, because they didn't have anyone like that.
My thoughts and what I told them is this. It's true that most of us will never have anything resembling someone who cares that much about us. But we can still appreciate and admire it when we see it elsewhere, just like a sunset or the scent of spring in the air. I've never owned an ocean, but I can still admire it's beauty.
So to these, and the many other Unsung Heroes who visit their Husbands, Wives, Parents and Grandparents (and in a few cases, Children), and still insist on being part of their lives...
Thank You for your quiet Awesomeness, You are an example to the rest of us. :-)
Peace Kiddies
Heroes come in all shapes and sizes. If I asked the average person who their heroes were, they would likely regale me with names of Athletes, maybe some movie stars...Followed by Solders, Police, Fire and Ambulance and others who keep us safe and free(Yes, I know it should be the other way around).
Today though, I was reminded that there are some Heroes, that just don't get the recognition they deserve.. So this is me, getting the ball rolling. There will be no names, but they will know who they are :-)
My Heroes today are;
The Young Person, who had so much anxiety about finding a job, that they would actually feel ill just dropping off Resume's... But tonight, worked their very first shift, on their very first job. You! Are my Hero.
Another Person, who last year spent so much time in the hospital for an eating disorder, but now has a job, has been accepted at school, and is doing great. You! Are my Hero.
How about the One who, even though, deals with anxiety, and almost constant physical pain, still chooses to focus on others, whether it's feeding the homeless, helping those in times of grief, or advocating for proper resources for mental health. You! Are my Hero.
One More;
The person who has dealt for years with depression and anxiety that Doctors have so far been unsuccessful in treating. Yet, they get up every day and go to work. They They take care of their family. They may now and then give up for a day, but the next day, they get back at it. You! Are my Hero.
The fact is, we all know "Unsung Heroes", but unlike the celebs or the Guys and Gals in uniform, most of them we don't recognize. However, if we think of the ones we are aware of, it gives a bit of a picture of how many are out there.
They are an example of perseverance, of courage, and an unbeatable spirit, And courage, my friends, is courage. Whether it's walking onto the battle field, or walking into a burning building, or taking those first steps out of bed in the morning, when you are so scared and want more than anything to hide under the covers...
They say; "The Answer starts with me"... So I'm going to start to make my Heroes Unsung no longer.. But wouldn't it be cool, if the answer started with you too :-D
Peace Kiddies
Life in Average Joe land has been pretty interesting lately....Like everyone else, it's had it's ups and downs. Today however, was a day off of work and there were plans for Pj's and Netflix with my Awesome daughter... Not quite what happened though. It started with a bank error that required me to trade my warm home and Pj's for my grown up clothes and cold bus ride to the bank. Which truly was almost the perfect ending to a week that had me dropping or breaking everything I touched(a bit of a draw back working in a Nursing Home) and just the day to day stuff that tends to bog us down.
How does the chocolate cake come in? We're getting to that.
After I left the bank, rather stressed but glad everything was resolved, and calling my Daughter, I found myself in my Favourite Cafè, where I spotted the Amazingly decadent chocolate cake pictured above... Now, if you know me... You know, that I don't really eat chocolate cake much... In fact, my lovely girlfriend makes the only one I like, but I was thinking that maybe I'd make an exception for this one.
I waited in line, behind 2 people.. One man, obviously some kind of professional and another gentleman who appeared to be as homeless as they come. Guess what he wanted? Chocolate cake, but when he went to pay, he was short a couple of bucks... The cashier was explaining this to him when I signaled to her to just give it to him, and I'd cover it.
I'm not trying to blow my own horn, People do that kind of thing all the time... However what I do want to say is, I felt Great... Not a small thing, because I walked in there grumbly and stressed. One act of kindness changed all that. Sure it made him happy, but it made me feel amazing.
I started wondering why so many pass up opportunities for kindness... I have heard people say that they are too busy, or too stressed, but I would argue that if a person is too busy, it's probably day to day grind stuff and likely isn't anything that will bring a lot of joy(Except if you're too busy tanning on a beach somewhere, then I guess you're excluded from this :-) Busy and Stressed sucks, I'm sure everyone can agree with that, but what if the cure doesn't come from pills or medicine, what if the cure is simply reaching out and showing kindness to someone who needs it?
I have always known that I felt better when I do nice things, but I have never fully appreciated until today how huge a mood changer it can be....
The selfless thing to say would be... "Be Kind, The World needs more of that".... But really, now I'm saying... "Be Kind, Do Good, sure the world will benefit, but not nearly as much as you will".
But don't take my word for it. You'll never know for sure until you try...
Peace Kiddies :-)
With the passing of Robin Williams yesterday from apparent suicide, people are collectively grieving the loss of such a talented individual who has made most of us laugh and cry either from his comedy or his poignant dramatic acting. Social network sights have exploded with condolences, memories and some beautiful tributes. I'm not going to do that as others have done it far more eloquently that I could.
Instead I'm writing about what can be learned from this.
Mental illness is as real as it gets, and I address this to anyone who deals with depression or anyone who knows someone who does.
Unfortunately, there is still a lot of taboo around any form of mental illness, particularly depression. People use the term; "I'm depressed" for everything from they are ready to end their own life, to... Their favourite team lost the Superbowl. The fact of the matter is, that depression is not a case of the blues, or just having a bad day, it's diagnosed and a genuine condition that can't be cured by some good news or a plate of cookies.
If you suffer from depression, there are things you need to be aware of:
1- We all have that voice in our head that stops us from doing or saying stupid stuff....If we're about to jump out of a plane that voice will tell us that it might be a good idea to put on the parachute first.
However, when we are depressed, that voice is not our friend.. In fact it is a huge LIAR!!!! It will tell us things like.. "We won't be missed", or "Everyone will be better off"... It will try and convince you that there is no hope.. That this is all that will ever be. It will tell us these and many other things, none of which are helpful in the least.....So as hard as it may seem, we need to ignore that voice.
2- Sometimes it's ok to hide, but eventually we need to come out for air. When you do,... TALK TO PEOPLE!!! Tell them where you're at. I'll be honest, some will think you're looking for attention, others may even avoid you and most will be uncomfortable... Guess What? It doesn't matter. You're not telling them for them, you're telling them because you need to NOT keep this a secret.
Choose the people in your life that see you at your best, even when you're not.. This isn't the time to try to bond with people who treat you like crap all the time.
People get uncomfortable, not because they don't care, but because they don't know how to help.
3-WRITE.... Start some journals... Now the natural inclination is to write all the stuff you see as wrong with your life. That isn't really going to help. Part of depression is the need to fixate on the negative... Consider, if it helps, that depression is like a life form, and it will try and make you do all those things that will feed it. So when you write... Don't feed it, write about the positives in your life. Have a gratitude journal and every night before you go to bed, write 5 things about your day that you are grateful for.. Dig deep if you have to... You could say negatively that everyone ignored you while you hid in your room for example.. Or you could be grateful that they let you rest.... FIND THE POSITIVE.. And yes, it may be tough... But then again, so are YOU!{Even if you don't feel that way this very second}
4-If you get to that point, where you can not see a reason to go on.... and you're making a plan to stop that process... RUN, don't walk, to the hospital and get professional help.
Sometimes when I hear people say that no one would miss them(Which is utter BS that the voice inside is feeding them).. I tell them a story of a Man I met when I worked at a homeless shelter... Just because a person is homeless, it doesn't make them any less valuable than any one else.... But sadly in many ways it does make them invisible. The man in my story is one of these invisible people. He would come in at night when I worked the night shift. I'd give him a drink and a sandwich and we'd talk. Actually he did most of the talking and I sat there glued to every word. He spoke with the flair of a Shakespearean Actor and was very well educated. I don't know what events in his life led him to where he was, he never spoke of it, but I enjoyed our visits.
One winters night, I came into work and learned that they had found him in the snow behind an old building that morning. He died alone, outside in the cold and the world just went on... I remember reading the paper the next day, and there was no report on his death, I watched the news and the same.. Nothing... But when the afternoon staff left and there was just us night crew there, I excused myself, found a dark quiet room, and cried like I'd lost a family member. There were 3 of us working that night and as the night wore on someone else would slip away and come back after with the same tell tale runny nose and red eyes.. We all commented on how bad allergies were this year(to explain the red eyes)....
He was invisable to the world, but his loss did not go unnoticed, and we were not better off.
Look around you, see the people in your life and do not listen to the voice that says they don't or won't care.... Because they do and they need you to be there.
I know what I know, because I have walked that road, I have been there and I can honestly say that if it wasn't for the people in my life then that cared about me, i would not be writing this today.
I believed all that the voice told me and I hated myself. I believed my children would be better off.... I believed there was no hope... I believed that I was a failure and had no right to be here. And yet, here I am.. Sure I have bad days like every one else, but I like myself... No, I Love myself. More than that, I have joy in my life....
So Please, don't listen to the "voice".... But just for now, listen to me... Yes, I have been there and I can promise you that it does get better, that there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel.
And finally.... The Suicide Prevention Hotline for London Ontario is (519)933-2023 or Toll Free at 1-866-933-2023
Sometimes the gift that is more valuable to our loved ones, but they may never understand enough to even appreciate, More valuable then all the Christmas or Birthday presents we have ever given ... Is to just go on, one more day. They are worth it, and so are you.
Peace Kiddies
It's true, no one is perfect... Which becomes obvious when you're looking for the remote and "No One" was the last one with it :-P
Really though, as much as we may try, there's always room for improvement.
Heck, I try to live a life based on kindness and being good to people, but I have grumpy days when I don't feel up to dealing with Joe Public. I like being nice, but once in a while I'm wearing my grumpy pants and being nice is the last thing on my mind.
I believe all sorts of good and wonderful things, but sometimes{*Cough, Usually} I may not live up to all those ideals.
Occasionally I can beat my self up a bit with questions like, "Why aren't I better?" or "Why am I not doing more?" Especially if I compare myself to friends and acquaintances who are literally changing the world around them.
The idea of only comparing ourselves to the person we were yesterday is a good one, except for those difficult days when we most likely feel like the person we were yesterday was actually better than the one we are today.
Those are the days when kindness is most important. I don't mean "helping seniors cross the street" kindness either(but if you have the chance, go for it :-) I mean kindness to ourselves. Because there is one thing that we know, that few others do, and that is what is in our hearts.
Everyone has bad days... Everyone flunks an exam, everyone gets crabby and, everyone yells at their kids now and then. What is it then that sets us apart from others who regularly give into their anger, or thrive in being cruel and unkind? What separates us from them, is what is in our hearts... The very fact that someone is trying to show kindness in their everyday lives.... Or that someone has the desire to be patient with their children. Even the desire to be a good friend, puts them miles in front of another who doesn't care.
The challenge then on the "Bad" days, is to look deep inside and see who we really are, and just as importantly, who we really want to be... And then, Cut ourselves some slack!!!!!
It's amazing what we will accept in someone we care about, we give them the benefit of a doubt. We say things like.."They are just having a bad day". We acknowledge that they might be stressed because of other circumstances and then we forgive them.
While that is a wonderful trait, it's just as important to show ourselves the same compassion... And, surround ourselves with people who will do it for us, when we can't.
Life is a journey, not a race.....There's no prize for finishing, we collect our prizes along the way. I think the gift that too few of us collect is the gift of Self Love..... And that might be the biggest one of all.
So if no one has told you today..... YOU are worth kindness. You are worth compassion, and YOU are worth another chance to try again tomorrow. When that voice in your head says otherwise, brush it away, because YOU are better than that.
Peace Kiddies :-)
It turns out though, I'm just annoying :-P
How, You ask, could someone like me....Who is obviously bubbling over with Awesome, be annoying?
Well, Here's the thing. I would rather ask another human being a question than "Google" it.
Oh sure, I like to Google SOME questions.. Some things are a tad personal like that time I noticed a.... Well never mind.. Some things are indeed best to look up on our own... But normal stuff? Naw, I'm going to look for someone who knows more than me.
Computers and Internet are Awesome, I can't even imagine my world without them any more. One of the coolest things about them is how they connect us... We can have regular contact with people we haven't seen in decades..
Questions, however, used to be something that brought us together.. We all know different things and once upon a time, those who knew the most things, were considered wise and even used as resources. Now, if anyone wants to know anything... We just have to hit the Net, and while having the entirety of the worlds knowledge at our finger tips is convenient.. It takes away from the Human element of connecting with others to gain information.
Up until recently, The Old taught the Young the things that they deemed important. Now the Old for the most part have to keep that knowledge to themselves... Because we have a new generation of People, who can look anything up in fractions of a second.
I'm not saying it's all bad, but I am saying that while we gain, we also lose.
Have you ever wrestled with a question? Something simple like "Where have I seen the actor in that movie?"... You think about it, your brain goes into overdrive, and still, you don't figure it out. Then something else comes up and you move on, but your brain, even while you are not thinking about it, is still working on the question. Then maybe 2 days later, you are driving to work and BOOM!!!!!! It Pops in your head and you go "AH HA!!!!!". THAT feeling, that euphoria we feel is amazing and only comes from working it out, even if that includes asking other people... It does not ever happen, by having the answer handed to you in 0.00001 seconds after you type the question.
Before the art of seeking knowledge though our fellow person became irritating, it was a way that we could share and feel better about ourselves. We could pass on knowledge(not to be confused with advice), to those who sought it. We felt better about ourselves and bonds grew between us and the one who asked the question.
While that isn't gone entirely, it is fading. In another 100 years when we are all wearing our Google Glasses, or whatever technology brings us that way... the Art of Question asking will be gone, a thing of the past, but I for one, am not ready to let it go just yet.
So if I see you and ask you what you know about baking bread, or gardening, or even where the nearest Taco Bell is.. There will be no harsh feelings if you tell me to Google it, but those who take the time out of their busy day to answer the question will have both, my admiration, and gratitude.
After all, What good is all the time that we are(supposedly) saving from having computers do a lot of the hard stuff for us, if we don't use at least some of it to connect with the people around us.
Just something to think about
Peace Kiddies :o)
