My Very Kool Life

As a single, middle aged guy, who is blessed with some really good friends, I get asked the same question at least a couple of times a week, it goes something like this "You're such a nice guy(they really do say that LOL) ,why don't you have someone in your life?" My response is usually something like "I don't know, just lucky I guess", that brings some laughter and the subject is usually dropped. This week though it was followed up by "I don't know how you do it, I could never be alone". He didn't understand my answer, and I keep wondering if I could have explained it better. 
Truth be told, I enjoy the company of others, and  relationships can be a wonderful thing... But that is not where my life is at. My personal life philosophy though is gratitude and embracing the now. There are so many amazing things in my life that are available to me just because of where I am  at, that might not be available to me if my life were in a different place. Sometimes we spend so much time thinking of how good life would be "if only"... If only we were married, or divorced, or rich, or lived somewhere else, or had a different job, if we were slimmer, stronger, younger, better looking and the list just goes on.. We totally loose sight of all the incredible things that we have right now.
What do I love about my "now"? I have time to do those things that I love doing. I get to spend awesome time with my kids, they are getting older and soon will have their own lives. I love my 4am walks, or sitting for hours with a great book.. or my duck feeding sessions. I am learning to draw(very poorly LOL), I've started writing again, and my poor, neglected for years, guitar now has a new set of stings and we're having fun together. That is just the tip of what I consider my very kool life. One day things  may change and I will embrace that, and I'll be happy for it.. But if it never does, that's ok. Each path in life has it's own unique sets of opportunities, it's incredible that way.
As for my friend who didn't understand my answer, he is a great  person, just at a different place on his journey.
Today, I am grateful, for family, friends and everything that my "Now" offers me.

Peace Kiddies 

New Years, a time for reflection

This is the time of year when we start thinking of goals and resolutions. I'm of two minds on the issue, and there is a story for each one.
My first thought comes from a man I met a long time ago when I first moved into my current city, I was 17. I showed up at my church for the first time, standing in the front door looking around, when this rather gruff looking gentleman walked up to me. I say gruff, because that seemed to be my first thought when I saw him, until I looked at his eyes. He had very kind eyes that just seemed to twinkle when he smiled. He walked up to me, gave me a warm handshake, leaned in a bit and said, "Excuse me young man, but your zipper is down". Yep, that was my "welcome to the neighbourhood" lol. I learned a lot from Bishop Hagan. Every year about this time, he would speak to us about New Years Resolutions. His philosophy was, if there is something about you that needs improving, set some goals and improve them, we shouldn't wait for New Years to do it.
I agreed with him and have tried to incorporate that in my life throughout  the years. I also think though, that it is good to have a time to reflect on the past and future, and set goals, and I like the New Year for that.. So I do both.
The second thing is a blog that I recently read, where someone said that they wrote down their goals for 2010 in a book, but then lost the book. They recently found it and were surprised to find that they had accomplished all of their goals even though they had forgotten them. A powerful argument for writing down goals. So while that is not what I have done in the past, I am doing it this year. Kind of an experiment. So without further adieu, here are some of my goals for 2011.

1) Is a financial goal. I don't need the Bill Gates Bucks to be happy, but my goal is to make an additional 25% this year. Not that hard when you take a look at my t4{Insert sadness here lol}.

2) I'm not going to make a bunch of weight loss goals that I will not keep, instead a goal of more exercise. By the end of 2011, I want to be able to comfortably walk 10 k's and to be doing it 4 out of 7 days.

3) Be into my RPN program that I am applying for

4) Find a weekly way to do something in terms of service, like volunteering.

5)Find new ways to explore writing.

Those are 5 of my goals, written down, I have more.. Goals as a Dad, and spiritual goals, and others but those ones I'll write in a book :-)

I've spoken to a few people now about 2010, and the general consensus seems to be that the year was far from good. As for me I end this year pretty much how I started it.. Middle aged and broke. However this has been a tremendous year for growth. I have learned to forgive, to laugh more, to let go of what I can not control. When I look in the mirror, I like who I see. He's an honest person, who is trustworthy and loyal... Things that have not always been true about him. Sure He's disorganized, his house is a mess and he could lose a few pounds, but if at the end of 2011 I still like who I see, that I will consider it a year well spent. I think Bishop Hagan would have approved.

Peace Kiddies, and Happy New Year 

Better late than never

It was an interesting week that just passed. Sometimes I'm faced with learning things in life that most others knew pretty much from birth( I can be pretty slow).

First of all, I had to admit that my lovely daughter has been right all along. Justin Bieber is a pretty good singer(yeah, that was a tough one to man up to), however, even in the face of all the Bieber haters out there, ya gotta admit that his music a pretty darn happy, he treats his fans well and he's not old enough to have gone all Lyndsay Lohan on us... so for the time being, my Meaghan Smith Cd in my car has been replaced with the Biebster, although my Cd. player  did tell me that it misses Meaghan very much, and seemed happy with assurances that she would return.


On another note(get the pun? Music? Note? Ok that one was bad), it was one of those weeks where things piled up inside me to the point where I thought my head would explode. It happens now and then. My normal plan of attack it pretty much to bury it until it goes away(It's a simple life being a guy). This time however, I had a kind friend that offered to let me vent. At first I politely turned down the offer. Us guys are the strong silent type. Then perhaps  I saw the stereotype for what it was, or maybe I just knew that what I would normally do just wasn't going to work this time, but I spent about 2 hours just unloading everything. They nodded, asked the right questions, even validated some stuff I was saying. In the end, nothing had changed, except me... It felt amazing, just to get it off my chest.

Later in the week, I had the chance to help someone, I fully expected them to refuse, or even be offended. They did neither. They let me be a friend.

So what is the point of all this? What did I learn that everyone else probably knew already? I learned that being a friend is more than being there for people, it's trusting others enough to let them be there for you too. If I spend all my time doing for my "friends", but I'm not willing to let them do for me, then I'm not really a friend. I'm something else, something less.... less  trusting , less open. Conversely, if someone is always there for me.. and never lets me be there for them.. again they may be a very nice person, but they are not truly my friend.

I flashed back to a number of years ago, and a good buddy that I had. Great guy and I would always call him when something came up. It occurred to me at one point though, that in the years that I knew him, he had never once asked me for anything. Some might call that selfless, but to me it really changed how I saw our friendship. he lost the label friend, replaced by Buddy, or Pal..Someone I could hang out with, but not someone I would call if I needed bail(if that makes any sense at all).

So driving home from work tonight, while listening to Justin sing "Baby", I was thinking of my lessons learned this week, and smiling. Very grateful for my friends and for those people who would let me be theirs.

Or maybe that's just me.


Peace Kiddies

Some early Christmas thoughts

It's after 4 am and everyone is asleep. Both dogs have taken camp on either side of the couch. A wise man would have been in bed hours ago, or at least looked over at this point and taken the lead from the sleeping pooches. Instead I've just come in from a somewhat crisp walk through the neighbourhood. I did offer to take the dogs, but they barely took their heads off the couch cushion to give me one of their "Are you out of your freakin' mind?" looks.
There is no snow yet, but there are a tonne of Christmas lights. It's gorgeous. I should be complaining that it's not even December and already the halls are decked, it seems to be the common thread amongst the early season nay sayers. Instead I just took it all in and smiled. Sure Christmas is not without it's stresses, but even today, the theme of "Peace on earth, good will toward men" lives on.

When I was a kid, of course it was my favourite holiday.... I mean free presents and Santa never seemed to care that I sometimes watched TV in my room when I was supposed to be sleeping. It was more than that though, it was walking around for a few weeks when everyone was actually being nice to each other. People holding doors for strangers, everyone saying Merry Christmas to each other.. In the malls, on the bus, or just passing each other on the street. It really was magic.

A few years ago, I kind of went through my jaded and bitter phase, My world had recently changed and I was rotating between angry and sad. I noticed that all that merriment had left the season, which added to my particular phase of the time. If I picture myself back then I must have had a perma scowl on my face... a modern day scrooge. I'm sure people avoided me, I would have.

It was around Dec. 22 I think, and I was on a bus on a very cold and snowy day... scowling I'm sure, when a bunch of university students got on the bus, covered with snow, and laughing. I'm not even sure why they were around, most kids had left for home already, but they started singing Carols... It was the most amazing thing, I felt like the Grinch when his heart grew 3 sizes that day. I smiled for the first time in a while, and probably unsuccessfully choked back some tears. 
When I was getting off the bus, one of them looked at me and wished me a Merry Christmas, all I could do was nod in reply.
I got off the bus and looked around, my world was not so bleak,  it was Christmas. It wasn't bitterly cold wind and snowy, it was Christmas snow, the lights were beautiful, and I said Merry Christmas to a perfect stranger and they said it back.
When I took my walk tonight on this crisp November night, I thought of those nameless students and their infectious joy. How they brought the spirit of the season to some random stranger who had almost forgotten how to smile, and I said thank you and Merry Christmas to them where ever they may be.

Yes some will say that Christmas is thrust upon us way to soon(the day after Halloween), and others will lament how commercial it's become....But how we see the season is up to us, and how we treat each other, even the strangers, is what will make the season great.

Yes, Peace on earth, good will toward men lives on, and I for one am very grateful for an early start to the season.



Peace Kiddies

It's Rememberance Day every day.

It was Remembrance Day in Canada last week, a day set aside to pause and reflect, to remember those who gave their all for the freedoms that we enjoy, and just as importantly, a day for our nation to stand up and with one voice, say Thank you to those brave men and women who are still with us, and a silent thank you in our hearts for those who are not. 
I am humbled to tears when I think of the sacrifices made so that we can enjoy the freedoms that we have. I am also swollen with Pride when I think of our soldiers abroad who would make the same sacrifices so that others can experience, perhaps for the first time, those same freedoms.
Like most Canadians though, while I appreciate the day being set aside to honour our Heroes,  I am on a daily basis reminded and grateful for those seemingly simple things of life, that came at such a high price.
Every time that I vote(and I always do), I have a silent prayer of gratitude in my heart, for those who fought so that I could have this freedom. When I walk into church, again, a prayer of gratitude for that freedom, or choosing a school for my children, having the ability to disagree with my government. Walking into a grocery store with full shelves, or buying as much gas as I can afford. The ability to read any book that I choose, or being innocent until proven guilty.
There are so many blessings to living in this great country of ours and every one of them came at a price. A price that was paid for by those who fought for us and by those left at home.


Oh Canada, We Stand on Guard for thee, and our soldiers, stood and stand on guard for us, and we are forever grateful.

Making the world a safe place

I, like most people have been horrified at the suicides of youth in North America as a result of bullying. I have some pretty strong feelings about that and was going to write a blog/rant on that subject. However I have found that there are many other much more eloquent people who have recently spoken out against it and thought that perhaps it would be best to share their words. I have included 3 clips in this blog, if 3 is too much, then just pick one. The more people who speak out against bullying, the faster things will change.












 



Lets make this world a safe place for everyone.


Peace Kiddies 

A Sunday afternoon at the park

This past Sunday was a gorgeous day, a busy day, but a gorgeous one none the less. I was able to take a few mins. off from my hustle and bustle just to hang out at my favourite park for an hour. I took a walk and then sat on a bench enjoying the day. I spent my time there soaking in some rays, watching the "park wild life", and occasionally noticing the passerbyers. It's funny the people that I notice though, usually the out of the ordinary types. There were the normal people riding by on their bikes or roller blades, I never really paid attention to them. A few families with stressed out Mom's and disinterested Dad's. I never really looked at them either... a lone Mom with three kids, all under 6 I think(2 walking and one in the stroller), they walked by without much of a glance from me.. then I spotted an older couple.. in their 60's maybe, walking a small dog. They were holding hands. Them I noticed, I casually watched them as they walked by, feeling something that I later identified as Envy? Jealousy? It seems that I miss the whole "holding hands" thing.  
Just then, someone was walking down the lane that I watched... He was bald, bearded.. looked in his mid thirties. he looked like a biker. Tough, rough... If he would have asked for my wallet, he would not have had to asked twice. Running at his feet were 3 children.. Playing and laughing.. They were looking for ducks to feed. When this guy smiled at those kids, his face just lit up, the kind of smile that starts on your lips but ends in your eyes... The kids were shouting "Daddy, where are the ducks" and he pointed out the way. I may have been mildly afraid of their dad, but they obviously weren't. They walked by and I was thinking how amazing it is, to have someone who looked so rough and yet was such a softie with his kids. I sat smiling at the thought, and then I remembered the lone mother, with her 3 kids. All on a Sunday afternoon walk in the park. I again sat amazed at how I didn't give that family a second glance, she was just doing what good parents do, she fit the stereotype. Her kids were just as glad to be there, and she seemed like a really good parent. I mean getting 3 small kids ready for anything is no small task, and yet she chose to do that instead of getting some well deserved rest for herself on a Sunday.
The truth is that, there is usually no huge reward for just doing the right thing. You don't get a key to the city for cooking your kids dinner, no hero biscuit for taking them to soccer practice, no pat on the back and thank you for making them brush their teeth before they go to bed. It almost seems unfair when the biker dude almost rates a father of the year award, for just taking his kids to the park and being nice while they're out.
I think though that our reward for doing the mundane things that we need to do, that really are important things, like getting 3 small kids dressed and taking them to the park, is not in the thank you... It's in the silence. It's having kids that take for granted that when they come home from school, there is a snack waiting for them, or that when they are sick Mom or Dad will take care of them, and when they make a poor choice, they may be punished but they are still loved best of all. 
Yes, in these things it is not the thanks but in the silence where we receive our reward. When our children take these and other acts of parenting for granted, we know that no matter how unsure we are of ourselves, there is one thing, one very important thing, that we are doing right.

Or maybe that's just me.

Peace Kiddies