As a single, middle aged guy, who is blessed with some really good friends, I get asked the same question at least a couple of times a week, it goes something like this "You're such a nice guy(they really do say that LOL) ,why don't you have someone in your life?" My response is usually something like "I don't know, just lucky I guess", that brings some laughter and the subject is usually dropped. This week though it was followed up by "I don't know how you do it, I could never be alone". He didn't understand my answer, and I keep wondering if I could have explained it better.
Truth be told, I enjoy the company of others, and relationships can be a wonderful thing... But that is not where my life is at. My personal life philosophy though is gratitude and embracing the now. There are so many amazing things in my life that are available to me just because of where I am at, that might not be available to me if my life were in a different place. Sometimes we spend so much time thinking of how good life would be "if only"... If only we were married, or divorced, or rich, or lived somewhere else, or had a different job, if we were slimmer, stronger, younger, better looking and the list just goes on.. We totally loose sight of all the incredible things that we have right now.
What do I love about my "now"? I have time to do those things that I love doing. I get to spend awesome time with my kids, they are getting older and soon will have their own lives. I love my 4am walks, or sitting for hours with a great book.. or my duck feeding sessions. I am learning to draw(very poorly LOL), I've started writing again, and my poor, neglected for years, guitar now has a new set of stings and we're having fun together. That is just the tip of what I consider my very kool life. One day things may change and I will embrace that, and I'll be happy for it.. But if it never does, that's ok. Each path in life has it's own unique sets of opportunities, it's incredible that way.
As for my friend who didn't understand my answer, he is a great person, just at a different place on his journey.
Today, I am grateful, for family, friends and everything that my "Now" offers me.
Peace Kiddies
This is the time of year when we start thinking of goals and resolutions. I'm of two minds on the issue, and there is a story for each one.
My first thought comes from a man I met a long time ago when I first moved into my current city, I was 17. I showed up at my church for the first time, standing in the front door looking around, when this rather gruff looking gentleman walked up to me. I say gruff, because that seemed to be my first thought when I saw him, until I looked at his eyes. He had very kind eyes that just seemed to twinkle when he smiled. He walked up to me, gave me a warm handshake, leaned in a bit and said, "Excuse me young man, but your zipper is down". Yep, that was my "welcome to the neighbourhood" lol. I learned a lot from Bishop Hagan. Every year about this time, he would speak to us about New Years Resolutions. His philosophy was, if there is something about you that needs improving, set some goals and improve them, we shouldn't wait for New Years to do it.
I agreed with him and have tried to incorporate that in my life throughout the years. I also think though, that it is good to have a time to reflect on the past and future, and set goals, and I like the New Year for that.. So I do both.
The second thing is a blog that I recently read, where someone said that they wrote down their goals for 2010 in a book, but then lost the book. They recently found it and were surprised to find that they had accomplished all of their goals even though they had forgotten them. A powerful argument for writing down goals. So while that is not what I have done in the past, I am doing it this year. Kind of an experiment. So without further adieu, here are some of my goals for 2011.
1) Is a financial goal. I don't need the Bill Gates Bucks to be happy, but my goal is to make an additional 25% this year. Not that hard when you take a look at my t4{Insert sadness here lol}.
2) I'm not going to make a bunch of weight loss goals that I will not keep, instead a goal of more exercise. By the end of 2011, I want to be able to comfortably walk 10 k's and to be doing it 4 out of 7 days.
3) Be into my RPN program that I am applying for
4) Find a weekly way to do something in terms of service, like volunteering.
5)Find new ways to explore writing.
Those are 5 of my goals, written down, I have more.. Goals as a Dad, and spiritual goals, and others but those ones I'll write in a book :-)
I've spoken to a few people now about 2010, and the general consensus seems to be that the year was far from good. As for me I end this year pretty much how I started it.. Middle aged and broke. However this has been a tremendous year for growth. I have learned to forgive, to laugh more, to let go of what I can not control. When I look in the mirror, I like who I see. He's an honest person, who is trustworthy and loyal... Things that have not always been true about him. Sure He's disorganized, his house is a mess and he could lose a few pounds, but if at the end of 2011 I still like who I see, that I will consider it a year well spent. I think Bishop Hagan would have approved.
Peace Kiddies, and Happy New Year
It was an interesting week that just passed. Sometimes I'm faced with learning things in life that most others knew pretty much from birth( I can be pretty slow).
First of all, I had to admit that my lovely daughter has been right all along. Justin Bieber is a pretty good singer(yeah, that was a tough one to man up to), however, even in the face of all the Bieber haters out there, ya gotta admit that his music a pretty darn happy, he treats his fans well and he's not old enough to have gone all Lyndsay Lohan on us... so for the time being, my Meaghan Smith Cd in my car has been replaced with the Biebster, although my Cd. player did tell me that it misses Meaghan very much, and seemed happy with assurances that she would return.
On another note(get the pun? Music? Note? Ok that one was bad), it was one of those weeks where things piled up inside me to the point where I thought my head would explode. It happens now and then. My normal plan of attack it pretty much to bury it until it goes away(It's a simple life being a guy). This time however, I had a kind friend that offered to let me vent. At first I politely turned down the offer. Us guys are the strong silent type. Then perhaps I saw the stereotype for what it was, or maybe I just knew that what I would normally do just wasn't going to work this time, but I spent about 2 hours just unloading everything. They nodded, asked the right questions, even validated some stuff I was saying. In the end, nothing had changed, except me... It felt amazing, just to get it off my chest.
Later in the week, I had the chance to help someone, I fully expected them to refuse, or even be offended. They did neither. They let me be a friend.
So what is the point of all this? What did I learn that everyone else probably knew already? I learned that being a friend is more than being there for people, it's trusting others enough to let them be there for you too. If I spend all my time doing for my "friends", but I'm not willing to let them do for me, then I'm not really a friend. I'm something else, something less.... less trusting , less open. Conversely, if someone is always there for me.. and never lets me be there for them.. again they may be a very nice person, but they are not truly my friend.
I flashed back to a number of years ago, and a good buddy that I had. Great guy and I would always call him when something came up. It occurred to me at one point though, that in the years that I knew him, he had never once asked me for anything. Some might call that selfless, but to me it really changed how I saw our friendship. he lost the label friend, replaced by Buddy, or Pal..Someone I could hang out with, but not someone I would call if I needed bail(if that makes any sense at all).
So driving home from work tonight, while listening to Justin sing "Baby", I was thinking of my lessons learned this week, and smiling. Very grateful for my friends and for those people who would let me be theirs.
Or maybe that's just me.
Peace Kiddies
